why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize