I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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