Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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