I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
