You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
