who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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