cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize