i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
