Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
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The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
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I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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