I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
