There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
