It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
