No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
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she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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