We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
