did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
