worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
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I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
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Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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