Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
