Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
