Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
