Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Randomize
