im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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