one might say we're banned from that church
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
