I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I believe in your delicious
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
