I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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