I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
