Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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