wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
