youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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