Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
