GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
