I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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