She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
