Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
