Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Come see our sink grown plant.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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