She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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