the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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