Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
