oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
even my farts smell like vagina
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
