i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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