There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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