Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
