sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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