Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
