people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
