Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
