I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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