i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
