I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
