Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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