then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
