Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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