Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
