Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
