Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
there was a trapeze. enough said
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
