We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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