she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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