I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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