Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Randomize
