I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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