When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
