You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
